Raving as a Parent:

Raving is a phase they say....But seriously, people often say that attending shows, raves, and festivals is something you grow out of. I beg to differ. Dance music is a passion just like anything else you have a passion for and as life evolves so does your relationship with it. Just like going to any other concert or event, festival-going can still play a healthy role in your life after baby.

I started raving in 2010. In 2015, I found out I was pregnant with my son and then took a hiatus from raving. When I had my son, there was a period when I had to prioritize cultivating him, especially as a newborn. But then once he was a full-fledged toddler and we were out of the woods, I felt comfortable heading back out on the dance floor. I can still remember it clearly, nearing 2 years in, I finally found the time to go back to a local show and then one day of a local festival. What I found was that I appreciated my time there, even more than I did before. Treating myself allowed me to enjoy experiencing the festival in-the-moment and to take some time to decompress before focusing my energy on care-taking again.

Oftentimes people have some preconceived notions about parents that rave. If they don't say it out loud they may think things like:

1. You are irresponsible 

2. You aren't providing a good example for your kids

3. You're selfish (it's not about you anymore)

Of course, all of this is completely untrue. These aren't things you would say to any parent who goes to any other music event for instance. In addition, parents need a way to relax and decompress in order to be the best parent possible. As long as it's a healthy avenue that makes you happy. YOU DO YOU BOO.

As a new parent, it can seem overwhelming going back to festivals again.

A lot of questions may come to mind. Will it be the same? How should I approach going? How do I balance my role as a parent and festival-goer? No problem...here are some tips/words of advice I have for you to consider that I have learned from my own personal journey...

1. It’s all about your kids and the family you are building.

Instead of mourning the life you had before kids think about the joy they bring into your life now. Celebrate who you were before baby and who you can be now because of them. Your love for dance music can follow you on this new journey you are beginning.

2. Take baby steps.

This may not be the case for every parent but consider getting back into the scene slowly. This can help you adjust to the routine and the feeling of being away from your baby. For you, this may involve just going to shows in the beginning, and then progressing to a local festival. It could also mean trying out 1 day of your favorite fest before you get acclimated. This can be helpful if leaving baby is still emotional for you or gives you anxiety to think about. It can also be helpful when baby is younger and needs more care/attention. Before you know it you will be able to go to a festival for the full weekend. Festival going is not all or nothing! 

3. Dress for comfort and confidence.

For those who have carried baby, it takes time for our bodies to get back to where they originally were. Let's be honest, society expects us to "snap" back and the reality is we all have our own journeys. It doesn't always happen that way and for many, our bodies are forever changed. Keeping this in mind, you may need to begin to approach dressing for raves and festivals differently than you did before. Dress in what you feel is comfortable and will help to build your confidence. You don't want to wear something because you feel you should or you feel you need to look a certain way. What's most important is that you feel the best in the skin you are currently in!

4. Assess Your Circle.

As a new parent your life shifts which also means your priorities and responsibilities may begin to shift. Your rave fam and friend groups may or may not be on board with these changes. Keep people around you who support you in parenthood and understand you may not be able to go as frequently as before or how you participate may manifest differently. Don't allow someone to make you feel guilty about these new changes you need to make for you and your child. Especially, don't allow anyone to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do! This may require you to change your circle in the new season you are in. One way to connect with new supportive ravers is to join groups like FRU and parenting rave groups that can provide you with additional support.

5. Plan Ahead.

As a parent planning out your calendar may become even more important. Mapping out these events allows the village around you (the support system that helps you care for your child) enough notice when you will need to lean on them for child care. We suggest penciling in those bigger events (1-2 festivals for instance) and leaving room for shows if you like. Sharing this schedule with your support system leads to the best communication and planning for when you are away from baby. Planning also helps with budgeting. This is especially useful as now some of your funds/resources are going to the necessities needed to provide for a new little human in the family :)

6. Incorporate Your Kids:

Share your passion for this community with your kids. Introduce them to the culture (in age-appropriate ways) to connect with them in a meaningful way. You can play some of the tracks you love, tell them about the principles of the community, and even spend quality time doing some of your favorite crafts (like making kandi).

7. Do What's Right For YOU!

Remember to go at your own pace and try to avoid comparing your journey back to festivals to other parents. Parent guilt is real and we all cope with becoming a parent differently. There will always be critics who want to have a say in what you are doing. At the end of the day its important to remember that you are worthy of having passions, hobbies, and moments for yourself. It's all about balance! Prioritizing your needs shows your children the importance of self-care, healthy habits and boundaries, and living life with intention. There is life after becoming a parent!

The original video is here: Raving as a Parent

I hope my experiences make you feel more comfortable and confident as you step into this new season as a new Rave Parent. PLUR and remember you got this!

- Ashleigh